Not Even a Week...

X-rays and sonogram, today, showed that, indeed, her body was full of cancerous masses--lungs, liver, internal organs. Days left, if even. She was struggling with breathing and was basically a shell. No hope with chemo, already suffering too much. She spent the last few days in her sleeping sack, poking her head out when I would come in, but not much beyond that. It was the second time to go into a vet's office with hope and leave with nothing. At least this time, I knew it may be coming and it wasn't a complete shock. I really hoped we had a chance, though.

 

I was given the choice of having her put down or bringing her back home, giving her steroids and taking her back within the next days to be euthanized (if she didn't otherwise pass). I realized that she had been suffering immensely and that bringing her home for a few more days was due to me being unable to part with her; not due to what was in her best interest. It was a very long visit and a very difficult one, since I initially believed that she would be coming back home with me. At least we were given a few final days of snuggling and love before that--and thankfully, we were able to discover what was wrong with her and were able to make an educated decision based upon the diagnosis. I haven't been granted that luxury with all of my ferrets. 

 

It was most likely juvenile lymphoma.  It is an extremely fast moving, almost entirely untreatable cancer that shows up out of the blue, extremely suddenly and with pretty much no hope for survival. The choice made was agonizing, but it was the only possible choice that allowed peace, instead of struggling and pain for those last few days.

It's crazy. I had her three months; she just turned seven months old on December fifth (my little Cinco De Mayo baby).  Her time with me was extremely brief, but also one of the most precious that I have had in my 25 years of owning ferrets. It is hard for me to accept that she is gone--this was not supposed to happen this soon--but at least we had more fun in our three months together than some people/critters ever have. She truly blessed my life in her short time here--I am very thankful to have had her, no matter how short that time was. Really worried for her Roo, though.  He has lost three ferrets since May. He is just now back to a semi-healthy weight; we were pretty sure we were going to lose him, too. He went into a pretty significant depression as a result of the first two losses--Joey was a gift to him. But she ended up saving me, as well.

It's coming at a time when I am already breaking in a million pieces.  She was my daily light, love and laughter. I feel like I am sitting in the dark waiting for daybreak...